So, it seems I'm constantly inspired by J. Mraz's blogs. Which is fine -- he's become a sort of muse for me, constantly opening my mind and making me see things from a different angle. Which is precisely what I need. I think I need a miniature Mraz in my pocket at all times, giving me sage advice and helping me to remember the karma. Think they manufacture those?
Anyway, after his recent post, I got to thinking about "want" versus "need."
At my job, we get paid on the 3rd and the 18th of every month. If any of those days fall on a weekend, you get paid the Friday before. Earlier in the month, as the 3rd came closer, I could feel the excitement. I'd only gotten one paycheck this summer and I was already planning all of the items for purchase that this second paycheck would be going to.
Thursday came. Since the 3rd was technically a holiday (the school was closed for the day), the checks came the day before. I anxiously awaited the envelope as my boss slipped them into everyone's respective mail cubbies. She usually skips mine to hand it to me in person, since I'm sitting right there. As she neared my desk, I remember literally holding my breath with excitement. She had a confused look on her face.
"They didn't send your check over. I'm going to give them a call to see why." I thought to myself, 'Minor setback, but maybe they just forgot because I'm technically temporary staff and they sent over everyone's who's a regular employee. No problem.' About half an hour later, she called me from her office and said that it turned out she'd not handed in my time sheets before the deadline. A complete accident, and one that was not her fault (she'd taken Friday and the following Monday off to spend time with her son who lives in a residential facility upstate). She hadn't realized that they were SO strict with the cut-off date and apologized again.
I told her it was no big deal, and really, it wasn't.
For a little while.
On the eve of the third pay day of the summer, with a measly $5 in my bank account, I can't help but think. I've had to seriously cut down on my frivolous spending since then since funds were all-around limited. I avoided places like the mall, since I knew my will power is kind of pathetic when it comes to certain things (read: clothes, sunglasses, accessories).
But, what I realized was that I didn't need to go to Starbucks all the time; I could just as easily brew a cup of tea or coffee at home, for less. I didn't need new clothes while I still had old ones to wear. I didn't need a fourth pair of sunglasses. All of these things that I kept thinking I needed, I really didn't. Maybe I wanted them, but I certainly didn't need them.
I had and have all of the things I need. Everything else is just superfluous.
That's not to say that I haven't already planned to what to buy with tomorrow's pay check, but all of those things have purpose -- and they're all things I've made sure I really want. I don't know if I need them quite yet, but I know that they're things that I've taken time to think about, ponder over, really decide upon:
List
- My tattoo, which will most likely happen on Saturday.
- Haircut and highlights, which I've never gotten before.
- O.N.E. Coconut Water.
- Vitamineral Green.
- More items for my mom's "meditation" room to help with the Feng Shui.
- Printing out more photos from Europe.
- Buying Mason Jars for said photos (it's a fun craft. Google it!)
The tattoo and haircut are in celebration of this new life I'm living. I feel renewed, I feel like I've woken up from a long sleep that's taken 22 years to come out of. I've undergone a positive, karmic transformation -- so now, it's time to restore and reawaken the external parts of me so that they match the internal parts.
So, I pose these questions to you -- what is it that you want? What is it that you need? Are they the same? Are they different? Will those things improve your life in the long-run? Are they temporary fixes to feelings of sadness, insecurity, or insignificance? Where would that energy be better spent in your life? Will they improve the lives of those around you? At whose expense have those things been made or created?
Can you tell the difference?
- May (you have the courage to re-examine everything).
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