Etsy, Etsy, Etsy!

I finally put stuff up on my Etsy shop! There'll be more coming soon! :) Check it out and buy something, if you're compelled!


Obvious Answers on Etsy, by May

Artistry

Inspired by the likes of one of my favorite artists, Andre Jordan (with a hint of Marc Johns), I decided to do some random doodles today. They're not meant to be works of ART as it's typically known. The point is to do adult satire with child-like drawings. That's how I see it, anyway. Plus, it's fun. :)

There are seven total, two of which are together. Instead of filling up your page with them, I'm going to post one and then you can click the links for the others!


"Approximations aren't usually accurate."

P***y cat has been changed to Vagina Cat because it's more politically correct.

I never could figure out how to do things to scale.

The ___ and the ___. They're actually mortal enemies.

Small print: May result in broken glass.

Thanks for all the times I climbed your branches. But seriously. Do something with your life. Get a job.

Don't press that soft spot. Unless you need a make-shift ashtrayy.

- May (you find the humor in everything.)

Reconciling Possibilty

Funny the way it is, if you think about it:
Somebody's going hungry and someone else is eating out.
Funny the way it is, not right or wrong.
Somebody's heart is broken and it becomes your favorite song.

My thoughts always seem to jump from one topic to the next, like a skilled acrobat in some circus production I don't quite understand. Maybe it's the Cirque du Soleil of the mind that I'm viewing. The colors and movements are beautiful, fluid, but when it comes down to it -- it's a little too abstract to fully grasp. Maybe I'm not supposed to grasp it. Maybe I'm merely meant to be grateful to have thoughts at all.

Still, it makes me wonder. What I think about sometimes is what makes one person more fortunate than another? Why was I saved from what could have been a life of poverty, hunger, and despair when there are children who weren't saved? Why do I get paid to sit on the computer and answer phones when there are people who can't even imagine what a computer is? When there are people who've lost their jobs and are struggling to stay afloat? Why do I complain about different foods that I don't like to eat (namely, seafood) when there are children who haven't eaten in days?

What and where is the thread that separates the two worlds?

Funny the way it is, if you think about it:
One kid walks 10 miles to school, another's dropping out.
Funny the way it is, not right or wrong.
On a soldier's last breath, his baby's being born.

Perhaps we're not meant to know. I do think that a part of this life is the idea that we're meant to discover. We're meant to explore. We're meant to find the answers for ourselves. And maybe we'll never really find them. Maybe they will always elude us, like wisps of smoke. Maybe no matter how hard you try to curl your fingers around them, they will always seep through our grasp.

And, more importantly, maybe that's okay.

Maybe that's the Universe's way of telling us that there is always a reason to stay humble.

We are so insignificant when it boils down to it: we've been on earth for the shortest amount of time in comparison with animals, trees, and other means of life; no matter our technology, countries and people are still devastated by natural disasters; no matter what we do to try and stop those disasters, we cannot control Gaia when she's angry; we are easily swallowed up in the ocean, which is home to so many creatures that have adapted and evolved to live there, yet people still drown; despite our attempts to control and "domesticate" animals, they will always be higher than us on the food chain (think: tiger, lion, alligator, etc.); and we have been searching for the answers to life's biggest questions since the time of the Greek Philosophers but have come up with nothing.

I think a part of that is the fact that it depends upon your perception. The diversity amongst people is easily seen -- differences in tastes in movies, music, books; family traditions; differences between geographical location; varying accents; and so on and so forth. What I consider to be living "The Good Life" may not be what someone else considers. Someone may consider "The Good Life" only having the biggest house, the fastest cars, and the most expensive accessories. Others may consider it to be family and friends, to hell with the possessions.

But I think that, big or small, red or blue, here or there, we're all asking the same question: why?

Standing on a bridge, watch the water passing under me.
It must've been much harder when there was no bridge, just water.
Now the world is small.
Remember how it used to be with
Mountains and oceans and winters and rivers and stars?

I don't have an answer. I don't know why I was fortunate in ways when others weren't. I don't know why I am spoiled with air conditioning, technology, food when I'm hungry, a bed when I'm tired, a home to go back to at the end of the day. I don't know. But when and if I figure it out, I'll let you know.

Watch the sky, the jet planes, so far out of my reach
Is there someone up there looking down on me?

- May (you never stop wondering).

[Bolded text from "Funny the Way It Is," by Dave Matthews Band]

Skeptics, sceptics, stop!

For any of you skeptics out there who are thinking to yourself, "There's no way that sort of positive shit works. It's a load of crap. The Universe can't 'reciprocate' whatever you give it. Life doesn't work that way," I'm going to share with you some recent examples from my life to show you that it's true.

I found out not too long ago that the job I have right now working as an Office Assistant is going to terminate. The program doesn't have enough funding to keep me on at $17.50/hour, so rather than cutting a position that's absolutely vital to the smooth running of the program, they cut mine. I wasn't upset -- I knew it was coming. Still, I couldn't help but wonder what I was going to do for a job. I couldn't not work for long.

The Associate Dean of the program sat me down in his office and told me that his wife, who works at Columbia University, was creating a new position that he wanted to recommend me for. It would be on the Level 10 or 11 pay (somewhere around $45 - $49k a year) and would consist mainly of clerical things, helping to implement new programs at the school, researching, etc. All of the stuff that I pretty much do at my current job. I quickly got caught up in the idea of becoming a full-time employee at what used to be my dream school. My mom and I had a huge fight about it -- the biggest we've probably had -- but I gave him my resume anyway, just to keep my options open.

Then I remembered that, back in July, a woman from Apple had emailed me to tell me they were considering me for a job. At that time, though, I was already employed and had to turn down the only job I'd ever really wanted. As I remember, I was devastated. She told me to get back in touch with her when this job terminated, though, so I sent her an email to see if she would still consider me.

Another woman wrote me back the next day to tell me that they wanted to set up a phone interview. We chatted briefly on the phone and then she asked me to come into the store a little before closing last night for a formal interview with another candidate. Obviously, I said yes.

All day yesterday, I was bouncing around, excited as all hell. After I had calmed down, I really thought about the situation. While I had been upset, of course, that my job was going to end, I kept my mind open to any other possibility. I told myself, and convinced myself, that I would find another job. That the Universe would help me find the next step. And that, by the time classes started up in September, I would be employed.

Of course, the Universe listened -- and, what's more, it delivered. When one door closes, the Universe opens a window, right?

I stayed positive after the interview, even though there was a large part of me that was doubtful. I made that part of me shut up because it was hindering my ability to tell the Universe what I wanted. I said to myself that I got the job, that I was going to hear back and they were going to tell me I was hired. I said to myself that the interview went well, despite any of the doubts I may have had, and that I had made a good impression on the woman.

Sure enough, this morning I received a call from the Store Manager who told me he wanted me to come in and sign paper work. He said he was getting a little ahead of himself with the paper work, but it wouldn't hurt to get it all done. I told my boss and asked to leave early -- at seeing how deliriously excited I was, she obviously agreed.

As I sit in my living room, 1 step away from being a legitimate Apple employee (they need to do a background check first), I can honestly say that YES, the Universe does reciprocate what you ask of it. But it's not enough just to say, "I hope I get this" or "I really wish I had that." You have to tell yourself, "I will get this" and "I will have that." I told myself that I was going to get this job. I was going to be hired by the one company I want to work for. I was going to celebrate on Sunday with a newly formed friend. I was going to have good news for everyone in my family and my friends. And sure enough, here I am, unable to stop smiling with sore eyes from crying tears of pure joy.

So, the next time you think that life is full of problems and full of struggle, ask yourself what you're doing to change it. Are you doing anything at all? It's not enough to wish for something. It's not enough to complain about something. If you think negatively, you will draw negativity to you. If you think pessimistically, you will draw in despair and depression. You have to actively take part in making the changes, in achieving your goals, in doing whatever it is you want to do. You'll be amazed at how your world opens up.

The Universe is knocking. Are you going to answer?



- May (you have the courage to start over again).

on the eve

Also posted in Pen and Paper Addicts

When you breathe, you inhale and exhale,
but every single time you do that,
you're a little bit different than the one before.
WE'RE ALWAYS CHANGING.
and it's important to know that there are some changes
you can't control and there are others you can.
-- Taken from here.

one breath enters while another runs away,
screaming that it's not ready to fly.
can't you feel the impending revolution?
the drums beat from within your ivory cage.
marching, marching ... they are coming.

don't you feel the invasion?
it plunders and pillages on a molecular level.
organ by organ,
vein by vein.
until you have cavalries spilling from your teeth.

you canonot stop them;
you are no Fort Knox.

one breath enters while another runs away,
clinging to the battle cries of its predecessor.
"i am not ready!
you cannot make me go!"

they are here,
ready to overthrow the imaginary tyrant
you think you have become and always been.
but illusions no more.
your dream is well beyond its expiration date.
lay down your invisible sword and intangible shield.
they can no longer serve you
as you can no longer serve yourself.

don't you feel the invasion?

Check Check 1-2

Not too much to report on. Things are cruising along wonderfully.

It's hard to believe that it's already August. When did that happen? .. Well, I guess the technical answer would be 5 days ago, but that's besides the point.

I've started trying a new coconut water from Zico. I ran out of O.N.E. yesterday, and since I seem to have bad automobile luck in Huntington, I drove to a different store in East Bumblefuck. I mean East Setauket. They didn't have any O.N.E. in stock so I had to opt for the other (and unfortunately more expensive) brand, Zico. I'm not going to lie -- I miss the metallic packaging of the O.N.E brand. It just looked so .. refreshing, collecting con-den-sa-tion (reference to Family Guy) in the fridge. Oh well.

Didn't buy either of the other two flavors offered (Passion Fruit and Mango), but they may be my next adventure. I have to keep this Vitamineral Green interesting somehow!

Also, I know I've already said this, but holy crap. The differences I've felt from using Vitamineral Green have literally be astounding. My mind is blown. Look, there's brain splatter over there. It's unbelievable. I have so much energy and I don't get that post-caffeine crash I'd get with coffee. I have two cups every day -- once in the morning and once after I get back from lunch. I'm good to go until around 11 or 12, when I force myself to go to sleep. Most of the time, though, I could keep going until God knows when.

It's a little pricey ($19.95 for 150gm, and with S&H, it works out to about $30), but I don't think I'll ever be able to stop using it. Not after what I've felt and experienced. Apparently, it's also a good counter cleaner. JMraz's brother spilled his VMGreen shake or something on the counter, where there were cherry juice stains, and after wiping the spill up, the stains were gone! This stuff really is amazing.

I like to think of it de-staining my insides. Not that I'm making a habit of ingesting dye or anything. The folks at Healthforce Nutritionals also gave some sample packets of a few of their other products. I plan on trying those soon, too. I'll let you know how it goes.

- May (you find rejuvenation).

Reflecting Like a Mirror

I've been drinking O.N.E. Coconut Water with a heaping teaspoon of Vitamineral Green every morning this week. I've already felt the difference and it's ridiculous.

Let me give you a brief background. I am not a morning person. I have never been a morning person. Most times, if I had to wake up before noon, I'd grumble one-word responses and cut through anyone who looked at me wrong. Or looked at me, in general. My mom learned to avoid talking to me in the wee hours of the morning. Unless, of course, I'm carrying over from the night before. I'm a bit nocturnal -- I'd rather stay up 'til 5 or 6 AM from the night before than wake up at 5 or 6 AM.

But I knew that having a 9 - 5 office job meant having to be remotely sociable and human in the morning. So when I read about JMraz's use of Coconut H20 and Vitamineral Green to get himself energized, I knew it was exactly what I needed. And he wasn't lying, let me tell you. I feel so alert and connected with things around me whenever I've had it. I don't even crave coffee -- which is more or less a miracle in itself. I don't need it. And coffee, for me, took hours upon hours to actually kick in. And then it lasted a mere 15 minutes before I'd crash again, more tired than before ingestion. With this combination, though, I'm energized all day. It fills me up the way a good breakfast does. And man, does it clear me out.

Without going into detail, let's just say any sort of toxins I had in my body have been vacated. Through my intestines, both big and small. Nothing ridiculous, but it's just another testament to all the crap (no pun intended) we put into our bodies every day. Even if you think you're eating healthy, you're still taking in some level of bad things that have to get out somehow.

On another, completely unrelated note, I was in a minor fender bender yesterday. As I told my mom, I didn't even have my phone near me (I am sometimes guilty of texting while driving -- mainly due to the fact that I don't have to look at the keys to do it; I've memorized them). I was focused completely on the road, but apparently not on the car and how wide it was. Which is ironic, since my car is a Ford Focus.

All that aside, I pulled around a car in the Straight Lane when I was trying to get to the Left Turn Lane. I clipped my mirror on her back light, which barely got a scratch. My mirror, however, was hanging like a loose tooth off the side of the passenger side door.

After coming out of the shock and recovering from how bad it sounded (ever notice how little things on a car sound absolutely horrible?), she got out of her car and started yelling at me about how it looked like I was going to drive off and how I didn't stop to see if she'd gotten damage on her car. Because I'm really going to stop in the middle of a busy road in a turn lane, get out of my car, inspect hers, and then get run over. Right. I explained that I was pulling over where it was safe to do so, rather than putting myself at risk of getting killed. She started blabbing about something else, I pretty much drowned her out. She muttered things with her arms flailing as she walked back to her car.

Anyway, things were fine. I was grateful to be okay. I wanted to say a lot of things to her that wouldn't have gone along with my Buddhist attitude about life, but I didn't. I knew it wouldn't have helped the situation. I was amazed at how much she assumed about me, though -- like that I was going to drive away. It was a startling reminder to me to never presume to know anything about anyone -- because I don't. And I won't, unless they tell me. And even then, it may not be entire truths.

Things being fine didn't mean that I didn't start crying after she pulled away, shaking her head and rolling her eyes. It wasn't even that I was upset -- I didn't care, it was just a mirror and it still works. I was just so rattled by the entire experience and the only way I know to de-stress is by crying. So I drove to Wild By Nature to buy some more coconut water, went into Rite-Aid and bought some super tough tape, and taped my mirror back onto the door. I told my mom what happened, she called my dad, who's going to call the woman. Things were all right.

I just realized that optimism has to be tested for it to last. Being happy and looking at things in an eternally positive light is easy when things are going your way and things are peachy keen jelly bean. It's when that picture-perfect situation gets rattled that your true optimism shines. I think I made it through.

I think this is here to stay.

- May (you test your boundaries).

Reporting Live

After having a brief conversation with someone I went to school with, he mentioned that he missed college, or at least the city.

I thought about it and realized .. I don't miss it. That's not to say I don't miss spending more time with the people I'd come to love, or that I don't miss random little things about the campus (like the fountain by Hunt-Cavanaugh or the way the leaves were always treacherously slippery up the Guzman Hill and by Sullivan Hall when I cut through the path between the trees because I was always late for work). But .. I'm okay. I see that part of my life as having lived out its short, four-year life. I gained the experiences I needed, I made life-long friends, I grew, I found myself, I figured some parts of my life out, I struggled and stared Death straight in the face and then told him to go fuck himself, I made it through and walked across that stage.

I was ready to go. I was ready for the next chapter of my life. I've somehow gotten to a place of complete .. peace. I'm no longer living in the past. I'm not looking at pictures from college longingly, wishing I could have more moments. Because somehow, having more would diminish the ones I already have. I know that I'll see my friends as often as our schedules allow. We won't lose touch that easily. It'll require more effort than just shouting down the hall, but it'll be worth it.

I've finally figured out how to live in the moment. I have no idea how, but God damn.

It feels amazing.

- May (you choose to live).